sometimes it's nice to meet someone when you're drunk. because all these little details about them come to mind in the days that follow. it's like cleaning out your room and coming across the trinkets that remind you of a poignant moment from when you were much smaller, and the memory is retrieved but it needs to be recorded before it fades away.

that's where this journal comes in.

today i remembered another term he used to describe his writing - sci fi - and it pleased me so that now every male "writer" i know doesn't cut his hair and writes some form of deviated sci fi. because he pigeonholed me and i felt inadequate because i couldn't do it back. and yet the reason i am besotted by him is because he got my nutshell so inexplicably correct. i understand my infatuation because i know that people want to be gotten, and you never really feel 'gotten' by someone who idolises you, unless you think you're fantastic. i stopped seeing someone largely because he told me he didn't understand why my ex-boyfriend spouted shit about polygamy to me all the time, as what else could he have wanted apart from me.

i don't feel that i can fulfil anyone's needs completely and thus this man did not GET me. he could compliment and adore me, but he put me on a pedestal that i found misleading and uncomfortable. so i stopped seeing him.

one of my friends thinks i have battered wife syndrome.